If you use a wheelchair, you'll know the routine on most dating apps. A good chat, a bit of flirting, and then the moment you mention the chair and the replies go quiet. Or the other version: you put it front and centre, and half your messages are from people asking how you go to the toilet.
SingleDisabled is where disabled singles and the people interested in them meet, and dating for wheelchair users here starts from a different place. The chair is part of the picture, the same way someone's height or their accent is. People see it, they're fine with it, and then they ask about your weekend. Whether you use a chair full time or only on bad days, a manual or a powerchair, whether you've used one since you were five or since last spring, this is a place to meet people who get it.
Some of the people on SingleDisabled
Wheelchair users are a hugely varied group. There are paraplegic and tetraplegic people (quadriplegic, as some say), many with a spinal cord injury, who may have come looking for paraplegic dating sites or dating sites for wheelchair users. There are people with cerebral palsy, MS, spina bifida, muscular dystrophy or EDS, people who walk short distances and use a chair for anything longer, and ambulatory wheelchair users who are tired of strangers being astonished when they stand up.
And there are non-disabled singles too: people who've dated a wheelchair user before and loved it, people who never have but don't see why not, and people who simply fancy someone and don't think four wheels change that.
A chair is something you sit in, not something you are.
It usually pays to be upfront, and the reason is simple: it filters out the people who'd waste your time. A photo where the chair's visible, or a line saying you use one, means everyone who messages already knows and is still interested. That's a much better starting point than a reveal on the first date.
How you say it is up to you. Some people keep it factual, some make a joke of it, and some mention it alongside three other things about themselves so it's not the headline. These are the kinds of lines that work:
You can keep certain photos private and share them with individual people once you've got to know them, and if typing's hard work for you, voice notes are an easy alternative to long messages.
Every wheelchair user has a story about the "accessible" venue that turned out to have three steps at the door, or the accessible loo being used as a storeroom. It's one of the least romantic parts of wheelchair dating, and the trick is to deal with it early and lightly so it doesn't swallow the date.
If you're the wheelchair user, it's often easiest to suggest the venue yourself. You know where's actually step-free, which bars have a decent accessible toilet, and which restaurants have tables you can get under. A quick "I know a good place" saves an evening of anxious phone calls.
If you're the one planning, ask, and then check. Ring ahead and ask the specific questions: step-free entrance, room to move inside, accessible toilet on the same floor, tables rather than high stools. Then trust what your date tells you about what works for them. Don't apologise for the planning, either. It's just part of organising a good night.
Some ideas that tend to go well: a long lunch somewhere with space between tables, a gallery or museum (most have lifts and level floors), a seafront promenade or a flat park path, a cinema where you've booked the wheelchair space and a companion seat together, a comedy night with proper seating. Daytime is often easier for transport, and accessible taxis can take some booking at the weekend, so sort the journey home before you set off.
If you're not a wheelchair user, a few bits of etiquette make a big difference. Don't push the chair, lean on it or hang your coat on it without asking: it's part of your date's personal space. Pull up a chair rather than standing over them for the whole conversation. Talk to your date, not to whoever is pushing, serving or helping. And if you're not sure whether to help with something, ask once, accept the answer, and don't take a "no thanks" personally.
People are curious, so let's say it plainly: wheelchair users date, fall in love and have sex, and plenty of them have very good sex. What that looks like varies a lot depending on someone's body, and the best approach is the same as for anyone else. Talk, ask what feels good, go at whatever pace suits you both, and keep a sense of humour about the practical bits.
If you've had a spinal cord injury and you're dating again for the first time since, you might be working a lot of this out from scratch. That's completely normal, and you're far from the only one. Our article on disability, sex and confidence is frank and worth a read.
If you're new to it, relax. You don't need to know the right terms or have an access audit in your head. You need to be curious, considerate and willing to plan a little. Most partners of wheelchair users will tell you the chair stops being noticeable within a few dates. After that, it's just your partner, who happens to be a lot faster on the downhill bits than you are.
The usual rules apply to everyone. Keep your chats on SingleDisabled until you trust someone, use block and report on anyone who makes you uncomfortable, and be wary of anyone who's more interested in your disability than in you. Meet somewhere public, let someone know your plans, and make sure you have a way home that doesn't depend on your date. There's a full checklist in our advice on meeting safely.
If you're also living with a long-term condition like MS, have a look at our chronic illness dating page. Amputees who use a chair some of the time will find plenty that applies on the amputee dating page. And if you want to see how SingleDisabled works more broadly, start at our home page for disabled dating in the UK.
We're a UK dating site for disabled singles and anyone keen to date them, and wheelchair users, full time or part time, are very much part of it. You can be upfront about your chair without it becoming the whole conversation, keep certain photos private, and meet people who already know and are still interested.
Many wheelchair users do, because it means everyone who messages already knows and is comfortable with it. Others prefer to mention it in a line instead. It's your decision. Whichever you choose, being upfront early tends to save time and filters out anyone who wouldn't be right for you anyway.
If you use a wheelchair, suggesting a place you already know works is often easiest. Otherwise, ring ahead and ask specific questions about step-free entry, space inside, an accessible toilet on the same floor and table height. Museums, galleries, flat parks and restaurants with roomy layouts are usually good bets. Book accessible transport home in advance.
Yes. SingleDisabled welcomes paraplegic and tetraplegic singles, including people with spinal cord injuries, as well as people who use a wheelchair because of other conditions, and non-disabled singles who are open to dating a wheelchair user. Search near you, read profiles properly and start with something more interesting than the chair.
Find the corner of the site that feels like yours, or wander through all of them.