Dating seems to run on a rulebook nobody actually wrote down. Wait three hours before replying. Never say what you want too early. Read the hint in the emoji. If you're autistic, you've probably noticed that most of those rules are unspoken, inconsistent and frankly a bit daft, and that dating apps built around them can be exhausting.
SingleDisabled is home to disabled singles and the people keen to date them, and it's a good fit for autistic singles who'd just like to say what they mean and be taken at their word. Of all the dating sites for people with autism you could try, we'd like this to be the one where being clear is treated as a strength and asking direct questions is normal. Nobody's going to think less of you for saying "I don't really do small talk, can we talk about trains?" in your first message.
Some of the people on SingleDisabled
Autistic people are as different from each other as anyone else, so there's no single type of autistic dater. Some were diagnosed as children, some in their thirties or forties after years of wondering why socialising felt like a second job. Some still identify with the term Asperger's, and if you came here searching for Aspergers dating UK sites, you're very welcome. Some are self-identified and still working it out. All of that is welcome. Nobody asks for paperwork.
You'll also meet people who aren't autistic but get it: partners of autistic people, people with ADHD or dyspraxia who recognise a lot of the same experiences, and people who simply prefer a straight answer to a game.
Say what you're looking for in plain words. The right person will be relieved you did.
The beauty of starting online is that you get to do it in writing, at your own speed. You can think before you reply, say exactly what you mean, and read the other person's words as many times as you need. For a lot of autistic daters, that's the most comfortable part of the whole process.
A few things help. Say on your profile what you're looking for: a relationship, something slow, a friend first, or you're not sure yet. Say how you like to message: "I reply in the evenings" or "I might go quiet for a day, it's not you" saves a lot of anxiety on both sides. And if you find hints hard to read, say that too. "I'm not great with subtext, so please just tell me" is a perfectly good line, and it attracts exactly the kind of person you want.
Short, plain tags like these help:
Voice notes are there if you like them, and easy to ignore if you don't. Same with photos: share them when you choose, and keep some private for people you've got to know. If you'd been hoping for an autism dating app, the site already works in your phone's browser, so there's nothing new to learn or install.
A lot of autistic people learn early to play down the things they love, because someone once told them it was too much. On a good autism dating site, the opposite is true. Your deep knowledge of 1970s synthesisers, Victorian railway architecture or every British bird you've ever ticked off is a brilliant conversation starter, and the right match will either share it or love hearing you talk about it.
Put your interests on your profile, properly. Not "I like music", but what music, and why. Specific profiles get better messages, and you'll find it far easier to reply to someone who's asked about something you care about than someone who's just said "hey".
That's often how the good ones start. Someone messages to say they saw the photo of your model railway and want to know which gauge, and could you explain the signalling, because they've always wondered. Three days and forty messages later you're meeting at a quiet café on a Tuesday afternoon, and the conversation picks up exactly where it left off. Somewhere in the middle of explaining points and crossovers you notice they're not looking at the diagram any more. They're looking at you.
This is where autistic dating gets practical, and where a lot of first-date clichés fall apart. A crowded bar on a Friday night is a sensory nightmare for many autistic people: loud music, flashing lights, people brushing past, and the effort of following a conversation over all of it. It's not a fair test of whether two people get on.
Better ideas: a quiet café at an off-peak time, a walk somewhere green, a museum on a weekday morning, a bookshop, a board game café during the day. Choose somewhere you already know, so there's one less new thing to process. Agree a rough end time in advance, because knowing a date finishes at three makes it much easier to relax at two. And it's completely fine to bring headphones or ear defenders, to sit facing the door, or to say "I need a minute" and step outside.
If eye contact is hard for you, a walk or an activity where you're side by side takes that pressure away. If your date is non-autistic, a quick "I don't always make much eye contact, I'm listening though" sorts it in a sentence.
Plenty of couples are made up of an autistic person and someone who isn't, and they work brilliantly when both people are honest about what they need. The non-autistic partner learns to say things directly rather than expecting hints to land. The autistic partner explains when they need quiet time, so it isn't taken as rejection. Both people stop assuming the other one "should just know".
Masking, the effort of acting non-autistic to fit in, is tiring, and a good relationship should be somewhere you can stop doing it. If you find yourself performing on every date, that's useful information. The right person is someone you can unmask around.
If you're dating an autistic person for the first time, here's the short version: say what you mean, mean what you say, don't take a flat tone or a quiet day personally, and ask rather than assume. Our article on what it's like being in an interabled relationship is a decent read too.
A lot of autistic people also live with anxiety or depression, often because the world is so tiring to move through. If that's you, you might find our page on mental health and dating useful alongside this one. There's no pressure to mention any of it until you're ready, and you can share as much or as little as feels right.
Being direct and trusting is a good thing, and it's also something a small number of people try to take advantage of. A few rules keep you safe. Keep chatting on SingleDisabled until you've got to know someone, and don't hand over your number, address or other details early. If someone asks you for anything other than your time, or pushes you to do something you don't want to, use block and report and stop replying. You never owe anyone a reason.
When you meet, choose a public place, tell someone you trust where you're going, and plan your own way home. Our dating safety tips go through it step by step, which a lot of autistic daters find helpful.
Write a profile that sounds like you, say clearly what you're after, and see who's nearby. If you've been looking for an autism dating site UK singles can relax on, where plain speaking is the norm and dating for autistic adults isn't treated as a special project, this is a good place to start. For more on how the whole site works, visit SingleDisabled's main dating pages, and if you'd like to read up first, the SingleDisabled blog is a good place to begin.
We hope so. Autistic singles are very welcome here, and so is anyone who'd like to date them. You can message at your own pace, say exactly what you're looking for, and keep photos private until you're ready. Nobody needs a formal diagnosis to join, and being clear and direct is treated as a good thing rather than a problem.
No. You're welcome whether you were diagnosed as a child, diagnosed as an adult, or self-identify as autistic. Some describe themselves as having Asperger's. You don't need to prove anything or share medical details, and you can describe yourself however you like on your profile, or not mention it at all.
It's your choice. Many autistic daters find it helps, because it explains things like slow replies or a preference for direct messages before they become a misunderstanding. Others prefer to mention it once they've chatted for a while. Either way, saying what you need tends to attract people who are happy to meet you there.
Somewhere quiet, familiar and not too crowded usually works best: a café at an off-peak time, a walk, a museum or a daytime activity. Agree an end time beforehand, choose seats that suit you, and bring headphones if they help. A short first date that goes well beats a long one that wears you out.
Find the corner of the site that feels like yours, or wander through all of them.